Random thoughts of the day...

So, over the last few days a few things have happened. I went to a "barbeque," on Saturday- a lot of fun. Not really what I was expecting, but a good time none the less. I re-met some people and hung out with some of the coolest folk I know. I'm glad it happened...

I'm still huntin' for a job. I interviewed today at a restaurant, but I'm not convinced it went well. I guess it's a waiting game from here, but... who really knows. Gah, stress! But, I must admit that, despite the things that happen in this big city are new to me, (and in my mind different) I'm still glad that I've had the opportunity to  experience these things. It's helped me to grow. I've met some amazing people here, as I did in Montana, and when I was living in Appleton, but the people here, I feel have helped me to grow almost as much as the folk in Montana did. It's been good. Now, though, is the time to figure out what's next...

So last night, in my, "It's 10:45 and I can't fall asleep because I've got like, 50,000,000,000,000 things chasing through my head at this very moment," moment, I began to focus primarily on forgiveness and love, and how the two sort of tie together. I realized that forgiveness, in some instances, is, in fact, a way of loving, as is letting go. And, by letting go of whatever has you down, you're still loving- be it a failed relationship with a person, or a situation you created for yourself.. Forgiveness, in a sense, is also about being grateful. In Oprah's words, "True forgiveness is being able to say, 'Thank you for that experience.'"

...And that's all I've got for right now. More to come, maybe, at a later date.

Intense. Like Camping.

Over the last few weeks, a few big things have happened. I have somehow gotten into a masters program in the Cities. And, while this is a great opportunity, I'm scared. Horrified. I am not convinced I'll stick around. I'm struggling to land a, "real," job, and everyone I know is leaving or about to embark on a new adventure/ chapter in their own life. Some of the relationships I was feeling secure about here have, per the usual, somehow managed to backfire. I'm feeling self-loathing and icky. And gross. And I'm really tired of the shit storm of my life. If it doesn't get better soon, I'm considering returning to Big Sky Country, and starting again. A friend of mine today questioned my desire to start over again, while another noted that Montana isn't just greener pastures. I'm just really tired.

Earlier today, I stumbled upon a friend's blog, and realized, "Hey... I should really get on that. It's been a while." I completely forgot that this existed until a few moments ago.

So, since August, I've survived a lot of things, ranging from the death of an uncle to heartbreak, to my glasses snapping in half, and finding new friends. I've even made several, "big" decisions, including the idea that Minneapolis might not be such a bad place after all. Granted, this took some... persuading from several friends, but I think I've, "chanced" if you will, upon a decent opportunity. Now, the trick becomes seizing it. I'm in the process of applying to Augsburg College to a Masters program. If accepted, updates will come soon.

My year with Minnesota Reading Corps seems to be quickly coming to an end. While I am considering applying for another term, I'm also in the process of writing cover letters like a crazy lady. Hopefully, something will work out. I would only stick around this city if at least one of two things happen: 1) I get into Augsburg or 2) I land a full time job. I would eventually love to get back to Montana, but that might not be in the immediate/foreseeable future. Hopefully, though, it'll happen. I've already been accepted to Montana State University- Bozeman, but, after serious consideration, Minnesota has stricter requirements on teaching certification than Montana, so it might be better to start here...

Last weekend, some friends and I went to this really cool bar (Whiskey Junction) that reminded me of this place in Montana (Trails Inn). It was great and left me feeling really inspired. I'm hoping to get back there again soon.

I feel as though I've abandoned this page, somewhat... So my goal will be to write at least once a week. I doubt this will happen, but it's worth a shot.

I went to work on the first time on Friday, and am already feeling moderately overwhelmed. I can't believe that I'll be working with 5 year olds daily, and it might not be as exciting as planned. In fact, I  fear that it might be most draining. I feel like the staff is friendly, and pretty cool so far, based on first impressions. One of the lead staff is Hindu, so I'm quite sure I'll learn a lot from her... or at least I hope to. She needs to keep a vegan diet when she's, "fasting," which she was last week. Her daughter in law's family was having a religious ceremony, so she fasted to support her son and daughter in law. It seemed neat.

I went to a baptist type church today, which also seemed... to be an experience. I met some cool people.  They were really into singing, and had a small band, including a bass, trumpet, and piano/keyboard thing. It was again something interesting. The sermon wasn't really my tea bag, and I feel bad as I didn't really take anything from it.

Afterwards, I went to the Co-op with someone from church. It was neat. I'm excited  that there's a co-op; however it's a ways away.

Beyond this, nothing too great to report. I'm doing my laundry now, then plan to sleep... It feels like it's been a long day.

Bus, train, and no longer in the middle of nowhere

So, as many of you know, I'm no longer in Montana. Or Appleton. But rather, I've found myself in Minneapolis. And this, so far, has already been a shock. I've not been sleeping well, and I'm terribly homesick.... But I'm in the mid-west, but there's still a lot that's different. First, I've had to learn to use the bus system. I have been somewhat successful in this endeavor, but I still don't feel like a pro. I'll get it, soon, I hope. Second, I need to share space with other people. I have never had to share like this before, since maybe college. And even then, it didn't seem like this. Anyway, I'm bound to get hte hang of this life, sometime, right?

So, as I walked into the library today, I immediately wandered over to my favorite corner. It's a nice corner, usually fairly quiet and has a chair. Here, I can read some Kerouac and sip on coffee, and be alone for an hour or so. But today, as I was wondering over to my magical corner of the world, I noticed a man who appeared to be homeless. He looked sort of like a misplaced cowboy, with a long coat, a belt around the middle. A worn brown baseball hat, and old looking army boots, laced, and tied at the top. His dirty khakis, tightened around his calves with either rubber bands or shoe laces about to break. This man was sort of shocking to me. I seem to forget that poverty actually exists. I often feel broke, as though I'm a prime example of being in poverty. Then, I realize that my lines of thinking aren't correct. I have a roof over my head, and space for a beagle. I can afford a dog, and the occasional new pair of jeans. I've got a job. Two jobs. And I can shower. I'll be out of debt soon, and I hope to go back to college soon. Anyway, next time you think it sucks, find a homeless person. I often consider the notion that sometimes, a person might chose to be homeless. Maybe they're travelers and hate to be tied down by the "comforts" of life. Maybe they're exploring life. Maybe a person is really wealthy, but doesn't want to buy a house or live in one. But then I reconsider. Maybe a person really has had a tough life and cannot re-find their feet. It can be hard; they might have been victims of domestic violence. They might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time, or made one bad choice that led down a path of perpetual consequence. Who knows. The world is sort of a weird place...