Random thoughts of the day...

So, over the last few days a few things have happened. I went to a "barbeque," on Saturday- a lot of fun. Not really what I was expecting, but a good time none the less. I re-met some people and hung out with some of the coolest folk I know. I'm glad it happened...

I'm still huntin' for a job. I interviewed today at a restaurant, but I'm not convinced it went well. I guess it's a waiting game from here, but... who really knows. Gah, stress! But, I must admit that, despite the things that happen in this big city are new to me, (and in my mind different) I'm still glad that I've had the opportunity to  experience these things. It's helped me to grow. I've met some amazing people here, as I did in Montana, and when I was living in Appleton, but the people here, I feel have helped me to grow almost as much as the folk in Montana did. It's been good. Now, though, is the time to figure out what's next...

So last night, in my, "It's 10:45 and I can't fall asleep because I've got like, 50,000,000,000,000 things chasing through my head at this very moment," moment, I began to focus primarily on forgiveness and love, and how the two sort of tie together. I realized that forgiveness, in some instances, is, in fact, a way of loving, as is letting go. And, by letting go of whatever has you down, you're still loving- be it a failed relationship with a person, or a situation you created for yourself.. Forgiveness, in a sense, is also about being grateful. In Oprah's words, "True forgiveness is being able to say, 'Thank you for that experience.'"

...And that's all I've got for right now. More to come, maybe, at a later date.

Intense. Like Camping.

Over the last few weeks, a few big things have happened. I have somehow gotten into a masters program in the Cities. And, while this is a great opportunity, I'm scared. Horrified. I am not convinced I'll stick around. I'm struggling to land a, "real," job, and everyone I know is leaving or about to embark on a new adventure/ chapter in their own life. Some of the relationships I was feeling secure about here have, per the usual, somehow managed to backfire. I'm feeling self-loathing and icky. And gross. And I'm really tired of the shit storm of my life. If it doesn't get better soon, I'm considering returning to Big Sky Country, and starting again. A friend of mine today questioned my desire to start over again, while another noted that Montana isn't just greener pastures. I'm just really tired.