the book, the night, new sounds and heat

So, I'm currently reading a book, and I feel compelled to suggest it. It's called The Patron Saint of Liars by Ann Patchett. It's about a woman who gets married, realizes that she doesn't like the guy because, while a good guy, is relatively boring. She realizes she's preggo, and decides to run away to St. Elizabeth's, a shelter for theoretically unwed mothers. This shelter used to be a hotel (there's a big back story behind it, which I have neither time nor energy to share.) Most of the other women in this shelter have come to have their babies and leave them behind, only to return to their homes and make up a story about where they were. The main character recognizes that this too, will become her life- a life of lies. Everything that came before will be seemingly non-existant. Anyway, I've gotten to the point where Rose (main character) decides to keep her baby and marry Son, the grounds keeper for the shelter/former hotel/the person who initally owned all the land.

I guess where I'm going with this, is that I've found myself in some similar situations- I tend to run away from things that might not be great, and struggle to confront these head on. And, in the end, I wind up getting pissy and leaving some potentially cool people behind. Note to self: work on this. It's a good read. I'd suggest it.

I've also gotten heat in my apartment-- it's kind of nice. I didn't realize, however, that my house would smell like "warm" (heaters have a fun smell when they get turned on for the first time each winter), and I'd have to do my best to burn insence and candles to make it go away (even though it took a while...). I also wasn't expecting the creaky sounds that came with it... but, c'est la vie. Anyway, it was exciting. And, I met our new matience guy- he seemed pretty cool. Um Um Um...

That's really all I've got so far...

The day

I've been focused a lot on the future, and slightly on the past. It's hard to move forward without accepting the past for what it is. But, it's hard, also, to move forward without direction. I've been thinking that California is the place to be for me-- getting there and getting started are the challenges I will face after a year of VISTA. I could reapply and maintain my VISTA status, but is this what I really feel inspired to do? I'm not so sure.

Small towns...

So, I read a friend's blog earlier today, and I realized that I aspired to have better writing skills. I'm missing academia- the place where I was forced felt to write, and become a better person. The place that I actually got challenged, and somehow managed to get things done. A place where some of my professors became my best friends, my allies when I needed them the most. A place where the only people who cared were my closest friends. There were trees, and it is probably beginning to smell like fall; the feel of football season is in their air. Now, I live in small town Eastern Montana, where people who don't even know my name seem to know of my presence, and seem to care that I exist. This is a new feeling- a sense of community that I am not used to, nor do I long to feel accustomed to it. I miss being in a place where nobody really cared too much about me, or my actions. I live in a place where people begin to recognize you by how you travel (car, truck, bike, ect.), and eventually begin to recognize and attempt to have conversations with you. Then, they begin to identify you by the people you hang out with.("Aren't you dating so and so?" No!) Pretty soon, one begins to feel their judgment slowly seeping in- your lawn is too long, you're slightly more progressive than anyone else on the block, you ride a bike and don't eat meat (does that mean you're a hippy? hippies aren't supposed to have obvious vices! and you do!)

My apartment is small and white. It has a personality of its own- the cupboards are kind of wobbly, and the bathroom appears to be slowly falling apart. There is a huge (compared to where I've been) closet, and a "bedroom" big enough for... maybe, half of a twin bed. The kitchen is kind of nice, despite the lack of counter space. The living room doubles as a bedroom, complete with a built-in book case. A cat has been passing its time in my apartment as well- I can hopefully find Zeus' real home soon. (He followed me home the other day- and now won't leave me alone. He's very sweet, and needy for a cat.) I don't mind fostering it for a while, but the thought of becoming responsible for another life on a long term basis, even just a cat's life, makes me feel slightly uncomfortable....

This is where I'm at. For a year.

The Car Recovery

So, my boat made it back to Miles, and it stopped making fun sounds. I'm hoping to take it to a mechanic and get a second opinion, since it nearly died in Billings. Nothing too new or exciting beyond that...

The Titons, Yellowstone, IST, Helena and a broken car

Over the last week, I've gotten to see some pretty great things in western Montana and in parts of Wyoming. I've spent some time in the Yellowstone and the Grand Titons. I learned to kayak and our tent got "attacked" by one of our friends pretending to be a bear. We did some hiking, saw Ol' Faithful, had great food, and rarely showered. I eventually made it to Big Sky, where more hiking happened, as did some training. I've met some more cool kids, and spent time with some VISTAs that I had not seen in a while. It was pretty much the best week ever... I also spent a night in Helena, which was also pretty neat. I had an opportunity to catch up with Amy, Steve, Mason and Luke. Until hanging out with them, I did not realize how much I had missed non-camp food or civilization. We went to Perkins on Saturday night, and Steve made waffles on Sat. morning-- it was great! And, there was even hot coffee that didn't take 20 minutes to make! It was pretty much amazing.

The trip home from Helena was also an adventure. I made it to Billings, where I noticed that my boat-tastic Buick had been making scary sounds. I stopped to get some dinner and ask if the restaurant people knew of any mechanics. Unfortunately, I live in Eastern Montana, and nothing's open on Saturday nights. I found something after looking in a phone book, where I was able to take the car and get it looked at. They're fixing it today, and Susan and I are going to get it tonight. Hopefully, it won't die. I hung out with the Billings kids until Susan was able to come save the day. More news on the car situation when it recovers.

Whoo for great friends and family!

This week in...

So, the weekend wound up being pretty amazing despite the inital, "there's nothing to do because...well, because I'm in Miles City." I wound up meeting some decent people, and going to a church picnic...

This week, there shall be lots of work, followed by a camping adventure in Yellowstone, and a week away from my apartment. We've got another training, and I'm hoping to spend some time in Helena next weekend. Should be fun, no?

DQ adventures, lost contact, the wedding

So, things are starting to pick up yet again. I really wish that people were here this weekend instead of last- there really isn't as much going on, and things should be slightly more relaxed. The open mic starts again, which should be exciting... And... yeah. There's been stuff happening for most of the last few weekends, so hopefully, some "I'm not doing anything" time will be nice.

I'm half afraid of losing people that I had been close to before, but I guess that happens. Or, the people that are supposed to be around in a few months will be. Or something.

So, last night, Susan and I discovered that the Dairy Queen had recently gotten fried cheese curds. Kate, Susan's roommate, didn't know that such things existed, so we brought one back for her. She seemed to think it was strange, but after trying them realized they weren't actually the worst things ever.

Work is going relatively well. I feel like I'm mostly ahead, and I've got only a little more to do, but will need the help of others to accomplish these things. The first courtwatch meeting is this afternoon, for which I'm quite excited- one of my "projects" is actually beginning to get started! BeLinda is also starting on a newish fundraiser that I'll be helping with- we're hoping to reserve areas of sidewalk during Art Walk, and "sell" sections that people can draw pictures representing "Safe Families, Safe Kids", and the funds we raise will help us out. It seems like a pretty cool idea- but we've got to go through the mayor to get it approved, which seems as though it'll be a long process. Hopefully, we'll get it, though! Oh, optimism.

Speaking of optimism, I'm beginning to realize that I am quite young, and have a lot of time left to do cool things. But what cool things can I do? I'm giving some serious thought to the following, but am looking for thoughts and/or suggestions. Let me know what you think!

- Applying for a Youth Outreach Position with the Peace Corps.
- Going back to college and learning how to teach
- Remaining in Cowboy Country and trying to find a job (despite the lack of opportunity... and my uncertainty that there's a lot of space for people like me out here...)

I'm also half considering combining the first two...

Anyway, I'll leave you with these words from the Weakerthans:
"By the way, I got your letter yesterday
It said there’s no need to be sad
It said that some things would never ever change
But that some already had"