So, here I am amidst the rain and coldness that comes with Springtime in the mid-west, and again, I find myself at a crossroads. My mind spins as I begin to plan for the weekend, with all the things I hope to accomplish. Between books I want to read and jobs I need to apply for, between the nervousness of starting graduate level classes and trying to work out the finer details, my mind's beginning to race. I long for the days on the prairie, with the small cacti, and the beagle, and the smell of fresh air, rushing rivers, and the sight of stars. But then, I stop to reconsider all that is good here. I've managed to meet a few really good people and a handful of characters in the process of moving to Minneapolis. (I should consider changing the name of this thing... But I remain hopeful that some day, I will return to the land of the big sky, the, "Last Best Place.")

I've begun reading Kerouac's "On the Road: The Original Scroll," with a friend of mine. I've been longing to read it for a while, but have been struggling in the motivation department; I haven't had time for much beyond mentoring, working and my massive cover letter writing endeavors, combined with the occasional volunteer time at the local library with neighborhood teens. Maybe sprinkled with the occasional letter writing time. Speaking of, I need to begin reading.

Wishing tout le mound a happy Mothers' Day!

Random thoughts of the day...

So, over the last few days a few things have happened. I went to a "barbeque," on Saturday- a lot of fun. Not really what I was expecting, but a good time none the less. I re-met some people and hung out with some of the coolest folk I know. I'm glad it happened...

I'm still huntin' for a job. I interviewed today at a restaurant, but I'm not convinced it went well. I guess it's a waiting game from here, but... who really knows. Gah, stress! But, I must admit that, despite the things that happen in this big city are new to me, (and in my mind different) I'm still glad that I've had the opportunity to  experience these things. It's helped me to grow. I've met some amazing people here, as I did in Montana, and when I was living in Appleton, but the people here, I feel have helped me to grow almost as much as the folk in Montana did. It's been good. Now, though, is the time to figure out what's next...

So last night, in my, "It's 10:45 and I can't fall asleep because I've got like, 50,000,000,000,000 things chasing through my head at this very moment," moment, I began to focus primarily on forgiveness and love, and how the two sort of tie together. I realized that forgiveness, in some instances, is, in fact, a way of loving, as is letting go. And, by letting go of whatever has you down, you're still loving- be it a failed relationship with a person, or a situation you created for yourself.. Forgiveness, in a sense, is also about being grateful. In Oprah's words, "True forgiveness is being able to say, 'Thank you for that experience.'"

...And that's all I've got for right now. More to come, maybe, at a later date.

Intense. Like Camping.

Over the last few weeks, a few big things have happened. I have somehow gotten into a masters program in the Cities. And, while this is a great opportunity, I'm scared. Horrified. I am not convinced I'll stick around. I'm struggling to land a, "real," job, and everyone I know is leaving or about to embark on a new adventure/ chapter in their own life. Some of the relationships I was feeling secure about here have, per the usual, somehow managed to backfire. I'm feeling self-loathing and icky. And gross. And I'm really tired of the shit storm of my life. If it doesn't get better soon, I'm considering returning to Big Sky Country, and starting again. A friend of mine today questioned my desire to start over again, while another noted that Montana isn't just greener pastures. I'm just really tired.

Earlier today, I stumbled upon a friend's blog, and realized, "Hey... I should really get on that. It's been a while." I completely forgot that this existed until a few moments ago.

So, since August, I've survived a lot of things, ranging from the death of an uncle to heartbreak, to my glasses snapping in half, and finding new friends. I've even made several, "big" decisions, including the idea that Minneapolis might not be such a bad place after all. Granted, this took some... persuading from several friends, but I think I've, "chanced" if you will, upon a decent opportunity. Now, the trick becomes seizing it. I'm in the process of applying to Augsburg College to a Masters program. If accepted, updates will come soon.

My year with Minnesota Reading Corps seems to be quickly coming to an end. While I am considering applying for another term, I'm also in the process of writing cover letters like a crazy lady. Hopefully, something will work out. I would only stick around this city if at least one of two things happen: 1) I get into Augsburg or 2) I land a full time job. I would eventually love to get back to Montana, but that might not be in the immediate/foreseeable future. Hopefully, though, it'll happen. I've already been accepted to Montana State University- Bozeman, but, after serious consideration, Minnesota has stricter requirements on teaching certification than Montana, so it might be better to start here...

Last weekend, some friends and I went to this really cool bar (Whiskey Junction) that reminded me of this place in Montana (Trails Inn). It was great and left me feeling really inspired. I'm hoping to get back there again soon.

I feel as though I've abandoned this page, somewhat... So my goal will be to write at least once a week. I doubt this will happen, but it's worth a shot.

I went to work on the first time on Friday, and am already feeling moderately overwhelmed. I can't believe that I'll be working with 5 year olds daily, and it might not be as exciting as planned. In fact, I  fear that it might be most draining. I feel like the staff is friendly, and pretty cool so far, based on first impressions. One of the lead staff is Hindu, so I'm quite sure I'll learn a lot from her... or at least I hope to. She needs to keep a vegan diet when she's, "fasting," which she was last week. Her daughter in law's family was having a religious ceremony, so she fasted to support her son and daughter in law. It seemed neat.

I went to a baptist type church today, which also seemed... to be an experience. I met some cool people.  They were really into singing, and had a small band, including a bass, trumpet, and piano/keyboard thing. It was again something interesting. The sermon wasn't really my tea bag, and I feel bad as I didn't really take anything from it.

Afterwards, I went to the Co-op with someone from church. It was neat. I'm excited  that there's a co-op; however it's a ways away.

Beyond this, nothing too great to report. I'm doing my laundry now, then plan to sleep... It feels like it's been a long day.

Bus, train, and no longer in the middle of nowhere

So, as many of you know, I'm no longer in Montana. Or Appleton. But rather, I've found myself in Minneapolis. And this, so far, has already been a shock. I've not been sleeping well, and I'm terribly homesick.... But I'm in the mid-west, but there's still a lot that's different. First, I've had to learn to use the bus system. I have been somewhat successful in this endeavor, but I still don't feel like a pro. I'll get it, soon, I hope. Second, I need to share space with other people. I have never had to share like this before, since maybe college. And even then, it didn't seem like this. Anyway, I'm bound to get hte hang of this life, sometime, right?